The first date is not a job interview

5 Dec

Women are frequent victims of the “interview” date. Men will often spend the entire date asking… questions. Where you live, what’s your job, what’s your favourite book/movie/author/country/shade of purple, etc.

If you’ve ever foisted an interview date on a woman, you should know you’ve probably bored her. You might even have met someone who took offence at your attempt conversation, because they thought you were being nosey. And I think she’s justified to think that way. Not because such questions are too personal to be asked, but because you had no art in conversation.

(Another big problem with the interview date is that you quickly run out of questions to ask and things to talk about. I’d be curious if anyone reading hasn’t run into this situation before.)

The main problem with the interrogation approach, is not that curiosity is bad. It’s that guys who ask such questions had no idea in the first place what sort of answers they wished to get. Do you really want to know what software she uses at work? Will her choice of favourite movie actor determine whether you like her or not? Does the fact that she lives in the suburbs get you excited?

I thought so.

What should you find out on the first date? It’s actually very simple. Do you find talking with her interesting? Can you imagine spending more than 30 minutes with her in conversation? Do you have common interests?

Do you find her attractive?

Notice that these are short-term questions. And most of them aren’t questions aren’t for asking—they’re questions for you to figure out on your own. You’re not necessarily looking for actual information, you’re just figuring out  if you enjoy her company.

So what should you actually talk about? What questions should you ask, and what answers should you take note of?

Talk about her day. Find out what’s the high point of her week. Were there any high points in the whole week, or did she just complain? You’ll find out tonnes of information: about her character, outlook on life, daily schedule, family relationships, etc.

(And remember to talk about yourself. But that’s a topic for another post.)

If you’re still concerned about her career experience, distance travelled between office and home, etc., you’ll be glad to know that this method will get you your answers as well. When planning the logistics next date and appointments, for example, you’ve inevitably discuss stuff like where the two of you live, travel distances, favourite activities and places, etc.

Just remember to check yourself when you’ve so many questions about her career. Because, in all likelihood, she’s be asking herself (and not you) why you’re so curious about the size of her pay cheque.

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