Create space for your date

2 Mar

Let’s face it. Dating is harrowing business for most men and women. We all know the anxiety-inducing–undignified, even–feeling of sitting with a stranger across a table, wondering what she thinks of us.

Much as we try to accept it as a necessary evil of dating, no one likes the feeling of being judged for every word one says and every emotion on one’s face.

Except, this anxiety is not a necessary evil.

What if I said it doesn’t have to be so painful?

How do your dates better for yourself? How do you make it an meaningful, amazing experience for the woman you’re with?

The first condition for the painless date: You must be yourself.

The second condition: You must “create space” for your date.

“Creating space” is about being and staying present to your date, including her emotions and behavior. It’s the conscious act of suspending your conclusions about a person or a situation, whatever it may be.

It’s about simply reacting to her emotions and going with the flow, choosing not to control where the conversation is going, or figuring out if the date is going as planned.

Women love it when you create space for them.

How do you let a woman be herself on a date? What does “creating space” for a woman look like?

Creating space for your date starts before you actually meet her. Choose a dating venue that puts no pressure on either of you, where you can interact comfortably and see each other in your most natural states.

You create space for a woman when you free yourself of expectations. Stop thinking about what every word means. Start accepting the present and enjoy the moment. Free yourself from overthinking the future.”If I got a girlfriend as hot as her, wouldn’t I have to fend off suitors for the rest of my life?”

Stop extrapolating every gesture or detail of her appearance into a personality profile. You’re missing out on the most obvious aspect of your interaction: reading her emotions. If you think a woman is smiling too much to be uncomfortable, stop wondering to yourself if she’s “always like that”. Instead, ask yourself what it is that’s making her uncomfortable. You could even do the most obvious thing in the world: acknowledge the emotion. “I guess you’re as uncomfortable as I am. Why don’t we go out and get some air?”

What happens when a date is not going well? Does it mean you pretend that things are honky-dory? Not at all. The idea remains the same: you create space when you remain present. Stay present to the lousy food. Stay present to the poor weather. Stay present to your date’s fatigue after work, even to the extent of listening to her complaints. Hint: There’s a subtle difference between merely tolerating a bad situation and hoping things will go better, and acknowledging the situation and doing what is necessary to improve it.

You create space when you stop trying to place your date in a category and labeling her every behavior and hobby. Stop tailoring your behaviour according to her “profile”, and she might start seeing your true person and appreciate you for your true self. More importantly, when you take the lead to be yourself, you”re telling her it’s all right to be herself.

Tell yourself that everything she does is cute. Give her space to be silly. Give her space to be emotional. Give her the space to be a woman, and you’ll give her the space to seduce you.

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