Do you prefer hot women? Or nice women?

1 Jun

Many people have trouble knowing what they want in a relationship.

Heck, many men have trouble knowing what they want in a relationship. If you ask them, they’d just say something generic. Like they just want a nice girl. Or a hot girl. If you ask them what they think would makes a good relationship, you’d get a bunch of nouns. “Companionship.” “Mutual understanding.” Maybe, “Sex.”

A common mistake that keeps many people from knowing what they want is to let others dictate what their preference should be.

Let me explain by means of two stereotypes: The so-called “Alpha Male”, and the Politically Correct.

The self-identified Alpha Male is on a mission to recover the type of masculinity long lost to polite society. He is loudly unapologetic about his manhood. He is God’s gift to women; he believes it’s his god-given right to chase and possess hot women. Any relationship that doesn’t feature hot sex or his idea of male dominance is considered a compromise.

Then there’s the Politically Correct, the man who says he doesn’t “go for appearances”. He goes for “deeper qualities”, such as personality or character–implying, of course, that he’s better than “other men” who are obviously shallow because they go for superficial things, such as looks.

For both stereotypes, their ideals for women are not so much their personal preferences than declarations that they fit into a group. Their preferences are what they are like because they believe it’s expected of the ideal men.

If your preference sounds like a manifesto for the next stage of male enlightenment, my advice is that you should just knock it off. Your ego is getting in the way of your getting what you truly want out of love and life.

Do you want a “hot” woman? What do you mean “hot”? Is it a type of woman you believe all men should aspire to? Or is it a type of woman who actually inspires you?

Or perhaps you just want a “nice girl”. Say, when friends point out hot women on the street to you, do you reply that you’re not “that type of guy”? Do you refrain from considering anyone as “attractive” for reasons unrelated to their actual appearance? Of course there’s nothing wrong in principle with liking your women hot or plain. But if in practice, you haven’t done much with all the “nice girls” out there, it’s time to ask yourself: Do you actually find hot girls unattractive? Or is your sensitive appreciation of the “finer qualities” just a face-saving way of saying, “There’s no way any girl that I find attractive would want to have anything to do with me!”

If you find yourself needing a woman or wanting to be in a relationship but you’re not exactly sure why, it’s unlikely you’ll succeed, even if you were in fact very active in meeting new people.

On the other hand, if you’re not merely meeting any woman who’s willing to go out with you, but rather committing to spending time only with women you’re genuinely attracted to, you have better chances at finding real chemistry and having better dates.

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