Tag Archives: awareness

How deep should you get in conversation?

21 Sep

Some men have the misguided idea that when on a date, revealing as little of themselves as possible will create an attractive air of mystery. No surprise that their conversations always run cold quickly.

Others go the other extreme. I have a friend who’s good at reading others’ emotional cues and mental models–too good. He can always tell when you’re unsure or uncomfortable about a subject–and he will grill you at that point. “Really?” “What makes you say that?” “Tell me more!” Talking with him sometimes drives me nuts.

I’ve seen him do the same with strangers–they were literally squirming in their shoes.

Continue reading


No two dates are the same

9 Sep

Have you ever wondered why dating is such a chore?

You’re probably faced one of these two problems:

You’re running out of places to go. You’ve already seen all the good movies, eaten at all the nice restaurants you know of. This is a happy problem: It means you have someone to go out with.

The other problem is a more troublesome one: you can’t get women interested enough to go out on a first date. And if one did get interested, you’ve no idea how to get to agree to a second date.  You wish you had a plan that would guarantee a second or third date. A technique that would definitely impress the ladies. Continue reading

What if you’ve tried your best?

14 Jun

Consolation is a lot like praise: it’s makes sense only if it’s given by others. If others praise you regularly, it’s because they recognised your effort or ability. But if you praise yourself regularly, it’s just obnoxious.

What has praise and consolation have to do with trying your best? Let me explain. Continue reading

Do you prefer hot women? Or nice women?

1 Jun

Many people have trouble knowing what they want in a relationship.

Heck, many men have trouble knowing what they want in a relationship. If you ask them, they’d just say something generic. Like they just want a nice girl. Or a hot girl. If you ask them what they think would makes a good relationship, you’d get a bunch of nouns. “Companionship.” “Mutual understanding.” Maybe, “Sex.” Continue reading

The elements of attraction

6 Feb

How, exactly, does attraction work?

The ancients, absent our modern obsession with breaking things down into step-by-step instructions, put it this way:

There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid.

Holy Bible, Proverbs 30:18-19 (King James Version)

Typical dating advice focus on the things you should do and say to dial up attraction in a woman. This assumes that the outcome is a result of conscious, deliberate action. (“Fail to plan, plan to fail”, etc.)

There’s another category of actions that influence outcomes: Actions that are reflexive, and largely beyond one’s control. Obviously, these are actions most of us would have the most trouble with.  Continue reading