Tag Archives: sexual tension

How deep should you get in conversation?

21 Sep

Some men have the misguided idea that when on a date, revealing as little of themselves as possible will create an attractive air of mystery. No surprise that their conversations always run cold quickly.

Others go the other extreme. I have a friend who’s good at reading others’ emotional cues and mental models–too good. He can always tell when you’re unsure or uncomfortable about a subject–and he will grill you at that point. “Really?” “What makes you say that?” “Tell me more!” Talking with him sometimes drives me nuts.

I’ve seen him do the same with strangers–they were literally squirming in their shoes.

Continue reading


Create space for your date

2 Mar

Let’s face it. Dating is harrowing business for most men and women. We all know the anxiety-inducing–undignified, even–feeling of sitting with a stranger across a table, wondering what she thinks of us.

Much as we try to accept it as a necessary evil of dating, no one likes the feeling of being judged for every word one says and every emotion on one’s face.

Except, this anxiety is not a necessary evil.

What if I said it doesn’t have to be so painful? Continue reading

The elements of attraction

6 Feb

How, exactly, does attraction work?

The ancients, absent our modern obsession with breaking things down into step-by-step instructions, put it this way:

There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid.

Holy Bible, Proverbs 30:18-19 (King James Version)

Typical dating advice focus on the things you should do and say to dial up attraction in a woman. This assumes that the outcome is a result of conscious, deliberate action. (“Fail to plan, plan to fail”, etc.)

There’s another category of actions that influence outcomes: Actions that are reflexive, and largely beyond one’s control. Obviously, these are actions most of us would have the most trouble with.  Continue reading

Ten things you can say to a woman and get away with. (And she would love you for it)

14 Jan

According to this article, there are ten common statements that will get you into trouble with women no matter what.

  • “You’re over-reacting.”
  • “You’re not being logical.”
  • “Who put that idea in your head, your mother?”
  • “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
  • “The other guys’ wives are cool with it.”
  • “After everything that I’ve done for you?!”
  • “You’ll feel differently tomorrow.”
  • “You always (fill in the blank).” “You never (fill in the blank).”
  • “You didn’t used to be this way.”
  • “You’re missing the point.”

Seriously? Is this guy for real? Continue reading

Sexual tension: Do you see it?

27 Dec

Scene from House M.D. Copyright (c) FOX

When I got my first job as a journalist, one of the things I had to learn was how to interview people for stories. My editor, who was conducting the training, told us that if the interviewed subject was of the opposite sex, we should take advantage of the sexual tension and ride with it.

That was the first week on my first job, and I didn’t know what he was talking about. I wouldn’t understand it for years after that. If I did, I think, my dating life would have been much easier. Continue reading